Greg

I need to smoke a bowlski
 
i am so stressed out right now , things never seem to go the way i need . I had alot of problems with trust in my life , not so much anymore cause i really dont trust anyone anymore , before i would throw my heart out there and get stomped on but now you cant have your heart broke if you dont put it out there. I guess thats rather sad to say , but atleast it keeps me sain . College is weird , i am older then most of my classmates and they kinda ask my help on everything even when i dont know it myself. Now that i mention it i really dont know much about much anymore , i thought i did . I am alone alot of the time , i mean i dont have to be or anything i just seem to choose it , or prefer it . i dont know what to say or how to feel all i know is nothing is working out for me , i have this disposition on people and i really think i will be better off alone then to hook up with anyone . i have this problem about caring , in fact the only thing i really care about is the fact i cant care about anything , thats just sad.

i use to feel like i had a place in life , i use to have big dreams , now the only dream i have is to forget , the only place i have in life is to not belong.

Current Location: school
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: disturbed stricken

sup all you haters out there its me.
scandalistically me .
1 1/2 years left
things gonna be fun
wait n see
he hehe hehehe

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: kittie : what i allways wanted

All the things they said , never held any value in my head, i hated you all to no end , i never really had a friend , look at this and get a clue ,alone now and allways forever blue
last chance for help, last chance to care i asked for a friend , all you did was stare.
Knowing me isnt all you think , what i am what i was beyond the brink. i took it more over the top, you tried to run with it and made a flop. never could you fill my shoes, all your shots hurt me , never left a bruise. you think i am here just for you, i am the nazi and you are the jew, you mean nothing here and now , go cluck like a chicken , yo girl can show you how. wasted all my time thinkin bout your thoughts of me , when i should have been on a jackin spree. I showed you just how to live , all you did was drool and slobber lick a siv.
prolly dont know who this is to, sometimes i dont even know what i might do , 4 years of lies 2 of pain ,the kind that kinda leaves a stain. to know what she did , to feel it each day , oh did i mention her brother was a fucken gay?
Jackin my family and my friends , just to come up with some odds and ends, aint like it was all fully of juice
You should all watch your back cause slightlys back and on the loose. Keep payin dat piper and all of dem bills, yo girls bucknaked and im taken those stills . you thought i would just go away , put me in my place and hoped id stay . but you couldnt have been more wrong, and i was never all up in beezys thong. got played like a punk , just like he deserved, what did you think that just would swirve?i never let up i allways go full swing come at me once more and yo head will ring. i am back in the show and for no good, i said i was gone , but i never left da hood. loded once more and for all the right reasons, ill run you all down no matter what season .


thats all i have to say for this day . i told you i didnt want to be a part of yo shit , and i cut myself out of it , but some people go running they mouths off a lil to much and here i go tellin it like it is all over again , just like i allways did.



2 mo years

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: slipknot

I am fucken done with this lame ass shit. all this is is bullshit.

Maria : if your back with bill like i seen , dont consider yourself my friend. if i wasted my best friend for nothing , then you played me as a person . i stood up for you and when i come arround kess then 2 weeks later i see you at his pad . i dont care bout your personal life , but when i stabbed him in the back , it was because you started prying at me all the time , and i began to feel sorry for lying to you .you then started telling me how much you hated him too.
how you planned pin him at my pad.



this is my last entry i wont be comming here no more . dont think of finding me either , i was kicked out on my ass from my parents house and i now live on my own. I would just like to finally say


Alica : mindfucker
marya : confused lil girl
bill: i dont even know what to call you

FUCK OFF all YA all

ps eat me

Yesterday was bad

if i could redo it , it would still be the same but i didnt want this to happen. i was tired of being forced to lie for 2 years , i had to watch one of my best friends destroy my other friend. i couldnt take it anymore . i did what i had to do , i did the right thing , but i still feel awful about the aftermath.

i destroyed something that meant so much to me , i led him in to a blind side attack allthough he knew somethign was up he never thought in a million years i would be setting him up. Over the years i stopped being seen as a friend in his eyes , and was seen more or less as getaway , he would only come arround here when he needed somthing , or to get something off his chest . as long as the weed was arround and there was no chance of me telling anything about what he was really like he would be my friend , but if i said anything you get what we had here yesterday .

I hate myself for yesterday
i hate the way i had to go about it
and now i hate bill

as he said to me yesterday
YOUR DEAD TO ME


to think when we where kids i idolized you , i loved you like my brother , i took you in and fed you thousends of times and you me , and you decided to push the issue in my home , all you had to do was man up and take your cuts , not abuse a female and step to a real man. i know some time you will read this bill , i hope its soon , although i didnt want you to go to jail , you earned it . And if you ever touch a female in that manner again the same thing will happen . in my eyes your your fathers clone. if you ever come to me with any money issues i got your answers right here:

1 all the pot balances out to when you where not working and i was paying for all of it

2 the movies and food , i paid for about the same as you over the whole time

3 gifts are gifts

4 if anything you owe me for the game card , thats 40 bucks , but i dont want it .

5 if you do find any actual things that i might owe , then deduct the cost of my bedroom window you broke , my chess board you cracked , my lamp that was my grandfathers and my closet door your broke the frame on .

that should be about it .

i spoke to ria again today , she seems to think we will be friends , i know better . you now hate me , and i loath you . i took you in my home countless times and that was how you repay me ? i tried to fix your life and thats how you repay me ?

OBTW i didnt press charges on you either , your fucken lucky there wont be a next time on that you ever touch me again and dont get your head knocked off i will have your ass locked up for it.

and kyle says your no longer welcome here so dont try to come by

Current Music: goodbye pals

Pain , let me tell everyone a lil something about pain , sence few know what it really is .

try knowing someone you love that you have loved sence before you could spell the word , then have the betray you and leave you when you need them most , then how bout the best person you know in the whole world passes on and your left alone , the how bout you run back in to that person give them a second chance and have them do it all over again . now try dealing with a mother thats slowly dying and a stepfather that is more like a warden then a dad , and how bout a real father that treats everything you do as nothing . how bout you go almost your entire life with out knowing what love is , but only tasting it once and haveing it ripped from you before your able to understand what it was you had? now how bout everyone tells you there problems and there secrets and makes you choose who you care about more , who your willing to help mentally fuck , now try sitting with these emotions and be drunk , and on pills , and stoned stupid .

now think about how it is to feel stupid and ugly , think about whats its like to be stared at like some freak , have people point and laugh at you , make fun of you and decide your fate . Think what its like to sleep in the cold on the streets for months when you had nowhere to go , think what its like having to steal your own food , then take taht a step further , imagine watching as people you know have 6 times what you have squander it , think what its like to go day after day after day wishing for your life to end , just so you wont bother anyone elses shit.

now i am sitting here , wondering what i got , wondering if i even fucken matter to anyone really . pain is something everyone takes light . watch the one person you love the most fall apart day by day till they die , spend 60 hours aweek or more by their side and tell me what pain fucken is .

If all i do is cause problems for everyone why is everyone still arround? why am i still arround?

I wish i never existed

then everyone would be happy , i belive that deep within my pathetic black heart.

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: kidney thieves : before i am dead

all i do is cause problems
i am a failure
i just give up

i hate mornings , i dont do mornings.
i was woken up about 8 am i am really sick right now been having belly aches and ect. went to see van hellsing , it was fucken awesome . well what i did manage to see of it. i was made that they never showed dr jeckal and mr hyde in the preveiws . no i am not giving shit away but hey i would have wanted to know bout him he is one of my fav charicters .

i know its hard to be alone , i knew what it was gonna be like before i left crystal , but i still loath this feeling . i wish i had that one true love , that feeling of not being along , having someone to share everything with. thats what i lack, not the physical nature of a relationship just the mental parts of it . i am a person of habit, and in that i cant do my normal day to day plans . i am however dealing with it . i hate to say this but i actually miss her sometimes . she was a bitch , but hey least she did have some good points.

today i am using my mothers laptop , its far better then mine so this is slightly easyer to do . i cant play eq on this or on mine , but after i get a job i will buy a new pc or have my old one upgraded .

lastly i have astupid question

when A faggat farts or shits is it considered getting off?


well, check yas laters

i went to my fathers house , and it just didnt work out.he treated me like dirt and i dont have to take that shit from anyone , me and crystal are done for good , so yeah i am back to me.

i dont know what to think or feel , i just want my friends now more then ever. last night bill chilled with me on my first night home it ruled. Ria if your on hit me up sometime . alicia i would like to talk to you some time , i wish you would call me , maybe i said something wrong , or maybe i dunno . i like you alot and want to be friends but if that is too much for you to handle hey , where i am at right now aint killing me so . WELL...i dont know what to say really , i just mainly wanted everyone to know i am back and normal again .

well i guess i will head out for now , might see van hellsing tonight with beezy, lates

i leave tuesday instead of friday , looks like this is my goodbye session ,

lates , ill let you know when i get there