Greg (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} slightlyloaded) wrote,@ 2004-03-10 22:44:00 |
|
you know what
I got mad tonight , so mad i was ready to bust out the oldest friendship i have ever had. Cut to pieces the reasons i care for him . I have asked my self some questions tonight and they are
Why does bill not belive me when i say i havent been smoking?
Why did bill go behind my back to get my hook ups number and cut me out?
Why did bill have to tell me himself?
What did i do wrong to deserve this?
was i not there enough?
I came up with answers to this talking with crystal and my mother the 2 people that keep my head straight when i belive everyone is fucked in the head.
The reason bill claimed i smoked and he saw me was because he cant afford to give me the 100 bucks he said he would . I know he didnt see me smoke cause i havent smoked sence that night.I know he has money troubles but heck , there was no need to make me feel like he never trusted me at all.
The reason he cut me out of teh loop getting sacks , that was because he wants the perks i have , he wants to know how the game is run , to get himself a better deal . Little did he know the only reason i got his sacks was to ensure he didnt get ripped off and to make sure he didnt getlaced shit off teh street , and thats because i loved him .
The reason he told me he got the number and cut me out , was to try to make nice after he knowingly (for lack of better words) fucked me like a bitch.I only say it like that for teh simple reason he knows how things go , if he wanted the number he should have sucked it up and asked me himself not go through my friends to get it without me knowing. I belive the only reason he told me was he was affraid i would find out teh hard way and we wouldnt be friends anymore.
what i did wrong was ever begining to hook up bags for anyone i knew this day would come .
And lastly i was there enough , i helped mend alot of wounds in his heart , i helped him realize his main dreams , i help him realize that he might actually lose the one he loves if he didnt stop and consider her more hen himself.I was there from the first day i met him , and up till tonight .
after answering the questions , i came to realize a few more things . Bill has done alot of good in my life , helped when my grandfather died , helped make me feel like part of the crowd. But after tonight I am not so sure of his intentions anymore he told m at the end of teh night he got teh number to stop teh burden on me and to make it easyer on him to get sacks when i am gone.I kinda undrstand teh aspect of it , but dam why be so underhanded?
Ria , i understand you Make up your own mind on things , but i dont want your money for me quiting smoking , Bill doesnt belive me , neither should you . I never smoked after that nigth not one drag from a cig. I dont know why he had to make up seeing me smoke ? but you know what it doesnt bather me as much as it did when he first said it, and said its not about the money . Well you know what i was kind of dependent apon getting that , i took his word as truth , but if this is how he wants to handle things fine.
I am ending a few things tonight , If bill doesnt make what he did tonigth right he will be ended as a friend to me , and i am not fucken arround this time , when i say this i have thought about it full mindedly , not harshly or hasted. i put alot of time into this . He has a few days , after that bill will be dead to me .
Ria i am not saying i am not your friend , your cool .You have been a true friend and have never doubted me .
Alicia you are the single most stunning woman i have ever seen . You are smart, funny , and extreamly atractive.I honestly know someone that looks like you would never beeen seen chillin with someone like me . You have allways tired to be my friend , and i respect you . i wish i had more time , it seems to be a rare thing these days . The first time we all chilled , i mean Ria bill you and i , that was teh first time in my life i felt alive. to think the 2 hottest girls i have ever seen actually talking to me , and paying atention to what i say without making fun of me when i walked away. The truth is i woudl have called you to chill with you , but i couldn't . each time i tried to pick up the phone to dial your number i lost my words , the first time i have ever froze up wanting to talk to a friend. I hope i never wrote anything to make you think ill of me .I enjoy reading your journal , and whne i do post on your Lj or mine about you i think for hours on just what to say .I know you will get the life you and your daughter deserve. I only wish crystal was a fifth of the woman you are .
please dont read this and take it the wrong way , i would never dream of offending you or trying to play games with your head or any non sence .All i was trying to say is your a very wonderful person taht i wish i would have got to have known better.
well i dont think ill be on Lj for a few days , i ight look in on it later , but i doubt ill make a entry for a while.
i have to get my head on straight.
greg
I got mad tonight , so mad i was ready to bust out the oldest friendship i have ever had. Cut to pieces the reasons i care for him . I have asked my self some questions tonight and they are
Why does bill not belive me when i say i havent been smoking?
Why did bill go behind my back to get my hook ups number and cut me out?
Why did bill have to tell me himself?
What did i do wrong to deserve this?
was i not there enough?
I came up with answers to this talking with crystal and my mother the 2 people that keep my head straight when i belive everyone is fucked in the head.
The reason bill claimed i smoked and he saw me was because he cant afford to give me the 100 bucks he said he would . I know he didnt see me smoke cause i havent smoked sence that night.I know he has money troubles but heck , there was no need to make me feel like he never trusted me at all.
The reason he cut me out of teh loop getting sacks , that was because he wants the perks i have , he wants to know how the game is run , to get himself a better deal . Little did he know the only reason i got his sacks was to ensure he didnt get ripped off and to make sure he didnt getlaced shit off teh street , and thats because i loved him .
The reason he told me he got the number and cut me out , was to try to make nice after he knowingly (for lack of better words) fucked me like a bitch.I only say it like that for teh simple reason he knows how things go , if he wanted the number he should have sucked it up and asked me himself not go through my friends to get it without me knowing. I belive the only reason he told me was he was affraid i would find out teh hard way and we wouldnt be friends anymore.
what i did wrong was ever begining to hook up bags for anyone i knew this day would come .
And lastly i was there enough , i helped mend alot of wounds in his heart , i helped him realize his main dreams , i help him realize that he might actually lose the one he loves if he didnt stop and consider her more hen himself.I was there from the first day i met him , and up till tonight .
after answering the questions , i came to realize a few more things . Bill has done alot of good in my life , helped when my grandfather died , helped make me feel like part of the crowd. But after tonight I am not so sure of his intentions anymore he told m at the end of teh night he got teh number to stop teh burden on me and to make it easyer on him to get sacks when i am gone.I kinda undrstand teh aspect of it , but dam why be so underhanded?
Ria , i understand you Make up your own mind on things , but i dont want your money for me quiting smoking , Bill doesnt belive me , neither should you . I never smoked after that nigth not one drag from a cig. I dont know why he had to make up seeing me smoke ? but you know what it doesnt bather me as much as it did when he first said it, and said its not about the money . Well you know what i was kind of dependent apon getting that , i took his word as truth , but if this is how he wants to handle things fine.
I am ending a few things tonight , If bill doesnt make what he did tonigth right he will be ended as a friend to me , and i am not fucken arround this time , when i say this i have thought about it full mindedly , not harshly or hasted. i put alot of time into this . He has a few days , after that bill will be dead to me .
Ria i am not saying i am not your friend , your cool .You have been a true friend and have never doubted me .
Alicia you are the single most stunning woman i have ever seen . You are smart, funny , and extreamly atractive.I honestly know someone that looks like you would never beeen seen chillin with someone like me . You have allways tired to be my friend , and i respect you . i wish i had more time , it seems to be a rare thing these days . The first time we all chilled , i mean Ria bill you and i , that was teh first time in my life i felt alive. to think the 2 hottest girls i have ever seen actually talking to me , and paying atention to what i say without making fun of me when i walked away. The truth is i woudl have called you to chill with you , but i couldn't . each time i tried to pick up the phone to dial your number i lost my words , the first time i have ever froze up wanting to talk to a friend. I hope i never wrote anything to make you think ill of me .I enjoy reading your journal , and whne i do post on your Lj or mine about you i think for hours on just what to say .I know you will get the life you and your daughter deserve. I only wish crystal was a fifth of the woman you are .
please dont read this and take it the wrong way , i would never dream of offending you or trying to play games with your head or any non sence .All i was trying to say is your a very wonderful person taht i wish i would have got to have known better.
well i dont think ill be on Lj for a few days , i ight look in on it later , but i doubt ill make a entry for a while.
i have to get my head on straight.
greg
