Current mood:	angry
Current music:	kidney thieves : before i am dead

Pain , let me tell everyone a lil something about pain , sence few know what it really is .

try knowing someone you love that you have loved sence before you could spell the word , then have the betray you and leave you when you need them most , then how bout the best person you know in the whole world passes on and your left alone , the how bout you run back in to that person give them a second chance and have them do it all over again . now try dealing with a mother thats slowly dying and a stepfather that is more like a warden then a dad , and how bout a real father that treats everything you do as nothing . how bout you go almost your entire life with out knowing what love is , but only tasting it once and haveing it ripped from you before your able to understand what it was you had? now how bout everyone tells you there problems and there secrets and makes you choose who you care about more , who your willing to help mentally fuck , now try sitting with these emotions and be drunk , and on pills , and stoned stupid .

now think about how it is to feel stupid and ugly , think about whats its like to be stared at like some freak , have people point and laugh at you , make fun of you and decide your fate . Think what its like to sleep in the cold on the streets for months when you had nowhere to go , think what its like having to steal your own food , then take taht a step further , imagine watching as people you know have 6 times what you have squander it , think what its like to go day after day after day wishing for your life to end , just so you wont bother anyone elses shit.

now i am sitting here , wondering what i got , wondering if i even fucken matter to anyone really . pain is something everyone takes light . watch the one person you love the most fall apart day by day till they die , spend 60 hours aweek or more by their side and tell me what pain fucken is .

If all i do is cause problems for everyone why is everyone still arround? why am i still arround?

I wish i never existed

then everyone would be happy , i belive that deep within my pathetic black heart.